don't speak

i'm slowly turning back into a recluse. i'm shunning invites and keeping to the safety of these four walls. i don't want to get hurt anymore. i just can't seem to deal with reality. year twelve next year seems almost like a blessing right now. i miss the way thing used to be. i'm reminiscing and i can't seem to escape the comfort of the past, no matter where i am. and tonight. things could have been something. yet i'm forced to avoid confrontation as i don't believe i'm welcome in that life anymore. it used to be something i lived for. what happened?