poetic tragedy

writing poetry. its surprisingly morbid.

and this is where its starts;
I believe nothing can save a life; the undercut of darkness that shadows the light. we’re doomed to fester amongst despair: invent wild fantasies to reside within dreams. this world reeks of decay, as quality decomposes breaking faith. from their shelters feverish eyes observe; then retreat to their perfect haven of deceit and lies; allowing the skeleton of nature to be preserved; seduced to sleep with soundless lullabies

vonnegut despised semi colons. i use them excessively; to death, almost.
let's see how i survive the first day of school

break even

just let me fall. let me fucking fall

acceleration on overdrive

i've been such a bitch tonight, and i can't help it. the words are coming out of my mouth and i'm helpless to stop them, hold them back; i swear the extreme heat ignites this behaviour, i become a monster and i can't do anything about it. it's no wonder i don't leave the house in the heat, all it does is riles me up over the tiniest aspect. tomorrow i should be seeing break even but its cancelled, and that breaks my heart. i'll admit i was slightly dreading the possibility of having to go to the show alone, with former friends there to glare behind their hands, but going would still be so much better than not going at all. in a strange twist of fate, the world has calmed my incessant franticness over the dilemma, and yet i still feel so empty. i guess i'll have to go to pushover to see them again but, similar to soundwave, who the fuck will i go with?

to conclude, i think i'm running out of friends.

and term doesn't restart until monday, and its saturday night and i'm caught in that pre-emotional breakdown stage that every so often took its toll last year. i'm fretting and i'm on edge and i'm taking it out on everyone around me. school is still yet to begin, but i think i've just entered my first year twelve freak out. the japanese homework is stressing me to no end and i am utterly incapable of completing a substantial amount. also i start university on tuesday, which is a cause for a intense case of 'not good enough'. imagine accelerating, and being the one who's brakes seem to prevent any form of excelling. imagine falling from the highest possible place you could have launched yourself. insanity. that must be it.

it's funny, the thrill of some of the simplest ways to rebel.
cheap thrills.
yeah.





that's all.

leaves.

i was raking leaves at my late grandmother's house this morning, raking in the sunlight and thinking while listening to agraceful. such a calming activity, raking the leaves from the path in a methodical fashion and raking them under a tree, out of sight. and i thought. the raking i was partaking in could almost be likened to my efforts in life: all last year i battled with negative energy, attempting to push it out of my life where i wouldn't have to deal with it. under a tree, so to say. but i never did deal with it, just pretended it didn't exist. and the problem would escalate.

so i spent the better part of last year being the worse half of someone else. this completely consumed me, until i obsessed over the bad things and bitched rather than conversed. its not easy, living in another person's shadow. her being the superlative for everything; me being the 'less, less, less'. this year, i'm going to be a whole. not dependant on anyone else for anything. i'll live for myself, and for only myself. i was in such a bad state last december. and i'm glad there's a fresh start where i can evolve into a better person and leave all the negatives behind. i can rake and clear my path of anything that will tempt me back into the hole i dug myself last year. it was so deep i couldn't get back out, i swear i was struggling so much that i momentarily lost sight of the sun.

today, however, the sun was shining brightly. and i think i finally have my priorities straight.

and we'll sleep away december.

non objective portrait of karma

so i'm officially a university student. ha. that's kind of humourous, in a fucked up way. i love life. 2010 is insanely fantastic, bar the stressful aspects of it. which, with year twelve looming, i'm sure will make up the majority of this year. stress x a zillion.

now there's a fuckload of pressure i have to live up to, and a burden of expectations. wheeeee. i don't even know why i do this sometimes. haha. :)

there is a light that never goes out

i feel so different this year.
i think i collect photos and words to illustrate and describe my life.
i think i want to start making my own clothes again. i feeling as though i'm deviating dangerously close to the norm. who knows. too close and i may actually fall in.




MEAGAN says:
i love trying on every singly combination of clothing i can, then doing my hair and make up and posing in front of the mirror

^ i love freedom. i don't even want to grow up. peter fan ftw.

i have a half done canvas from year nine, i think i will paint. i love the notion of paint, and colours and illustration, and means of expression through photography (just wait til i get my lovely film camera), art, words and instruments.

everything is so humoursly awkward yet perfect right now.
i can wake up in the morning and smile, knowing that i'm actually doing something with my life. everything's finally falling into place. about time, really.

goals

so unbelievably content from the simplest, most understated things. i can sit here and breathe and smile and listen to lydia. this year i'm going to learn to juggle, and how to complete the rubix cube. oh yeah

what the hell's it to me, you still are what i think. sky and buildings, lay so neatly. keep those pictures around just to stay awake. calm that leaves me safely dreaming.
and we wait for winter, but no we wait forever.

once the sleep comes it's over. so both of us saw what it was, everything you were every time. a favorite of my dreams, you've seen all that is me. so sure you should take that, it's one more mile, just the same.

creatively, i want to prosper this year.

somehow

i can't stop smiling.


i love blink 182, i even love japanese study. to an extent. ha
i think i'm going to like this year

resolution

farewell failure. i'm never looking back now