world

When did the world grow up and forget about me? I will admit, I am prone to looking through possessions when I feel lost. I guess it’s my subconscious way of reacquainting myself with the comfort of the familiar. Yet today, rather than calming me down with the warmth of familiarity, I was blatantly presented with the truth. Is it so hard to come to terms with the fact that the days of being young and immature, fighting like children are indeed left in the past? I just don’t understand when this happened, and why I didn’t see it for myself. And so I’m left here to ponder my thoughts, after a morning of cranking Break Even to the maximum volume and jumping on the trampoline. Alone, with only my immaturity and thoughts to keep me company.

castle builders

i have this fantastic ability to dig myself into the deepest holes.

there's nothing better than the ones who will always be there for you, no matter how far away they seem to be

and the boat sails on.

the only thing worse than crying is crying for yourself when you should be crying for someone. right now, i hate myself. i never realised i was so fucking selfish.


besides, its not right that i should get a life while other people are losing theirs.
a bit of balance would make sense.

three exams down, two to go.
and a job interview.
and i'm sitting here surrounded by maths and legal revision in tears.

relevance

fuck optimism.
honestly, i get my hopes up for everything and all i ever do is get let down.
i never would have felt this worse if i wasn't so optimistic.

fuck the glass, its just empty.
not half full or empty.
there's nothing in it.

my fortune cookie told me romance will slip away if i devote myself to work. well guess what mr fortune cookie, i start exams on friday and have two job interviews .. so perhaps romance is dead? ha.


currently listening to j-pop and studying for my japanese exam simultaneously.
今、JPOPを聞きながら日本語のしけんの勉強をしている。

how do our lives ravel out into the no-wind, no-sound, the weary gestures wearily recapitulant: echoes of old compulsions with no-hand on no-strings: in sunset we fall into furious attitudes, dead gestures of dolls.

darl

"i don't know what i am. i don't know if i am or not. jewel knows he is, because he does not know that he does not know whether he is or not."
-as i lay dying


the one book that not necessarily changed my life, but definitely altered my perspective and opened my eyes.

nothing in my life is original anymore, even my dreams are repeating themselves

my way of dealing with stress is cutting my hair. and not dealing with the stress. eeek.


i feel its going to be a long night tonight. and tomorrow night also.

koizora

say, why do you like the sky so much?






spent the long weekend lazing about in the hammock wrapped in a doona reading as i lay dying. it was like a dream.