sometimes i overthink the simplest things.

その解釈で、粉雪ということはメタファーのようなことになって、冬の終わりと共に経験したこと、見たこと、やったこと、全部、この冬が起こった証明は消え てしまった。春が来るつれて、全部はまた始まります。思い出しか残っていないんです。私にとって、始まること、終わること、人生なことはこの俳句に描写さ れて、それ以上に、世界の大きさと個人の人生の中でしたことはどんな大切さを持って、一人一人の意義か異議のないも表しています。どんなことを達成しても、失っても、永遠に残ることは何もないです。私の解釈は悲観的過ぎるかもしれないけど、これは私の考え方です。

以上～

so i have to write haiku for my assignment

of much frustration and writers block, this is the only completed haiku i have been able to write. it’s pretty lame. it doesn’t convey all that i wanted to convey, the loneliness and solitude of winter’s grasp and the splintered, monochromatic wintry existence … but c’mon, i only had seventeen syllables to struggle with.

深い霧で　輪郭しか　見えないけり

so many people, nothing more than shadows

i remember when you called me a good friend. that meant alot to me.

what happened to you? you used to be so close. just around the corner. you could still be there for all i know, all trace of you has faded like the morning fog being burnt through by the sun. you still cross my mind from time to time, and i mostly smile.

i guess we've all moved on though, walking our separate paths. for some reason i always thought ours would intersect, at least a little bit. i don't even know you've wandered, but you're definitely out of sight.

thank you for the good times, even the bad.

work is sucking quite alot and all i seem to be doing these days is getting rundown and exhausted and consequently sick, and then when i recover work makes me exhausted and rundown and then the cycle begins again. argh.

女子高校生なんだよー

so i’m reading shojo manga that my friend hito sent me from japan and just re-reading this series of strobe edge all of a sudden made me really homesick for japan, and i just flashbacked to hanging out in tachikawa, shopping and eating and going to the movies with the girls from junshin (hito included) and just being carefree and excellent. and it’s borderline ridiculous how this manga brings with it so many nostalgic memories, but it’s time like this where the feeling just hits me off guard and overwhelms me with this sadness that i’m sitting on my bed in australia reading it by myself, rather then reading it in my /other/ bedroom in tama or commore shiotsu and discussing the attractiveness of andou-kun with the girls later, and acting like a typical immature joshi koukousei.　i just want to turn back time or fast forward so that i can do this all again, i feel as if i didn't appreciate any of it the first time around.

何でこんな思い出は今急に出るのかな？女子高校生みたに生きているかもね。
日本に戻りたい。日本人の友達にまた会いたくて、遊びたくて。。お金さえあれば。。

何も

何も感じない。出来ないから。何で出来ないの？人間じゃないの？人間じゃなければ、私は何だろう？どうなるかなあ

私って、誰？誰かな..

sunday morning broke and dragged me out of bed, slightly less asleep.

narre warren north. such a sleepy sunday morning that i liked the quiet. nevermind the fact that it's the middle of nowhere.

sunday morning dreamt about a moment passed,
about a time i failed.
sunday morning i was staring at a clock
trying to push it back.
sunday morning wished to be a kid.

sunday morning shook me all the way awake.
stirred me from the dream.
sunday morning i was thinking of a phone call i should make
you never did.
i never did.