people who don't keep their word are the worst kind of people.

a moment

it just came to me and just remembering made me smile. risa and yuka and okaasan and i were youtubeing one night in japan, yuka was playing videos of hilarious k-pop boy bands, risa was finding ridiculous metal/visual kei bands that i would 'perhaps like' (they were ridiculous) and i was showing them lots of user friendly melbourne bands as well as la dispute (who they didn't quite appreciate, understandably). and then all of a sudden risa was jumping up and down trying to reach the ceiling and then all three of us were jumping and laughing hysterically as risa failed to get there and i managed it easily, and we were both the same height. we just kept jumping and laughing and the whole thing had such a 「何あってんの」みたいな感じ. it was such a lovely night. its little things like that that i miss about japan. the warmth of the people and the innocent spontaneity of our silly antics.

あぁもうどうなるか、まぁどうでもいいんですが

last flowers.

so on wednesday i'll finally be an adult. eighteen years of age. i just realised what that means. it was always just a number, a gateway to freedom and decadence and recklessness and disorder and all that.





i'm slightly terrified. i really don't want to grow up. i have to wonder, when did i get so old? time scares me, the way its doesn't stop. relentlessly pushing forwards, no matter what. i don't want to grow old. i don't want the responsibility or the reality or the monotony. i kind of just want to run away.

i just don't know what's wrong with me. i can't stop crying.