halfway

its so awkward how terrible i am at social interaction. i have my old best friend's 18th on saturday night, and everytime i think about it, i feel sick to the stomach. i just can't do this. i don't know how or when i got so pathetic, but i really don't know how i'll be able to show up without spending the whole night in a dark corner. i just hate the way i am, sometimes. its the simplest things that trip me up, like breathing or walking in a straight line. no one else ever has trouble, or even bothers to think. i overthink. everything's just so hilariously awkward, sometimes to the point of ridiculous. tomorrow should be lovely, but i don't quite know what to wear. photos are becoming exhausting and consuming my free time, some days i just want to quit.