i need to write this down

i need to write this to get it off my chest, as i cannot bring myself to speak of it aloud. i've tried to push it to the back of my mind, but it surfaces at the most unwelcome times and constantly is returning to haunt me. so i'm hoping if i lay it all down here, i'll be able to get over this incident. but at the moment its the first memory, and the most vivid, of my return to melbourne on sunday morning. i wanted it to be perfect, seeing my family again after three months. but as i was retrieving my luggage from the carousel, this japanese girl somehow fell backwards, with this sickening crack at my feet. and the force of the impact, the way her head hit the hard floor, she started convulsing at my feet. eyes bulging, mouth open in a silent scream. the look in her eyes still gives me nightmares. her arms were outstretched in my direction, her legs flailing as she spasmed, jerking. i'd never seen anything like it; my first thought was of a child's attempt at a game, a scary face to amuse someone but then sounds emitted from her mouth, and the most horrible wailing assailed my ears. i started crying because i'd never seen anything so horrible happen right in front of me, and also because japan has caused me to become fragile emotionally. the school group she was with - teachers and adults crowded her, helpless as she was somewhat paralysed in her desperate flailing. my mother pulled me back and we watched in horror as her supervisors covered her in a blanket, as if she were deceased. else they did nothing, and my mother was asking if an abumlance had been called but no one heard her. such a crowd had gathered, watching with the sick fascination of an approaching train wreck. because she wasn't our responsibility, and i was having a near emotional breakdown, we moved away. the excitement of being home was marred by my inability to get that girl's eyes out of my head. i don't know if an ambulance was called; or if she was okay. i don't know what the damage was, or her injuries. i just can't seem to escape the look of her bulging eyes and outstretched arms in my direction. or the convulsing, as her entire body was seized by the impact of the fall and everything failed to function.