leaves.

i was raking leaves at my late grandmother's house this morning, raking in the sunlight and thinking while listening to agraceful. such a calming activity, raking the leaves from the path in a methodical fashion and raking them under a tree, out of sight. and i thought. the raking i was partaking in could almost be likened to my efforts in life: all last year i battled with negative energy, attempting to push it out of my life where i wouldn't have to deal with it. under a tree, so to say. but i never did deal with it, just pretended it didn't exist. and the problem would escalate.

so i spent the better part of last year being the worse half of someone else. this completely consumed me, until i obsessed over the bad things and bitched rather than conversed. its not easy, living in another person's shadow. her being the superlative for everything; me being the 'less, less, less'. this year, i'm going to be a whole. not dependant on anyone else for anything. i'll live for myself, and for only myself. i was in such a bad state last december. and i'm glad there's a fresh start where i can evolve into a better person and leave all the negatives behind. i can rake and clear my path of anything that will tempt me back into the hole i dug myself last year. it was so deep i couldn't get back out, i swear i was struggling so much that i momentarily lost sight of the sun.

today, however, the sun was shining brightly. and i think i finally have my priorities straight.

and we'll sleep away december.