i've been such a bitch tonight, and i can't help it. the words are coming out of my mouth and i'm helpless to stop them, hold them back; i swear the extreme heat ignites this behaviour, i become a monster and i can't do anything about it. it's no wonder i don't leave the house in the heat, all it does is riles me up over the tiniest aspect. tomorrow i should be seeing break even but its cancelled, and that breaks my heart. i'll admit i was slightly dreading the possibility of having to go to the show alone, with former friends there to glare behind their hands, but going would still be so much better than not going at all. in a strange twist of fate, the world has calmed my incessant franticness over the dilemma, and yet i still feel so empty. i guess i'll have to go to pushover to see them again but, similar to soundwave, who the fuck will i go with?
to conclude, i think i'm running out of friends.
and term doesn't restart until monday, and its saturday night and i'm caught in that pre-emotional breakdown stage that every so often took its toll last year. i'm fretting and i'm on edge and i'm taking it out on everyone around me. school is still yet to begin, but i think i've just entered my first year twelve freak out. the japanese homework is stressing me to no end and i am utterly incapable of completing a substantial amount. also i start university on tuesday, which is a cause for a intense case of 'not good enough'. imagine accelerating, and being the one who's brakes seem to prevent any form of excelling. imagine falling from the highest possible place you could have launched yourself. insanity. that must be it.
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